the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
