Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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