i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
