My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
