She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
