she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
