Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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