OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
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