do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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