reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
