even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
