I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
