I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
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He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
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He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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