it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
NoShamevember. You game?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
