he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Found the puke drawer
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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