apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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