so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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