i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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