Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
