i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
