I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
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