Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
