Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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