Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
