I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
