i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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