Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
