she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
