That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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