did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
