We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
