I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
