Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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