I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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