If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just google imaged poop.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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