you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
