i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
