i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
