Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
