How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My pussy is not your playground.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock deserves a montage
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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