do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
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I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
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Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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