I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
