Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
