Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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