Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Send help, water and tortillas.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
