You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
