thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
