Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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