after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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