party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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