This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
