She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
