Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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