look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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