shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
