And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
