I wanna bring you to show and tell
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
