guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
