love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
