before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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