I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
