Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
