It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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