It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
