I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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