I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
