I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
