He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
