grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you had me at cake vodka
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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