thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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