first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.