Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
