Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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