we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
