I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
