she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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