I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
