WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
