he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
